I hereby declare my candidacy for President of the United States. Goetsch 2016 – as good as everyone else! You, my faithful readers, are the first to know. The official press conference is today at 3 PM EST.
My qualifications for the job are obvious – just ask the Goerkles. While I may not have performed brain surgery, I have also never plunged from multi-millionaire to bankrupt. Not even once. Nor have I taken a formerly profitable company and driven its stock into the ground. I have no experience in governing, but no matter. I have hubris. All shall be well, friends. All shall be well.
I am currently taking applications for campaign staff as well as platform suggestions. Please submit your recommendations in the comments section below.